We were so busy when I fell pregnant that I didn’t actually
notice at first. We had a family wedding, a funeral, Eid - as well as other things and I’d just started working for a different department at work. In fact, when
I did realise I was in denial – I was so sure that I was just feeling under the
weather that my other half went out and bought a pregnancy test. Yes he did. I
guess he was convinced that my ‘bug’ should have disappeared – and right he
was.
I still wasn’t so sure, even after taking a test. A test didn't prove anything to me. I insisted that he took a test just to prove
that the test was right. I figured that if it read positive for him then there
was definitely a mistake and I really was just recovering from a bug. He wouldn’t
do it, no matter how much I insisted, and I really did insist.
So yep, that was that. The test came out positive and I didn't take another one because I thought I'd wait to see how I felt first - not much changed. I kept feeling nauseous all day long for what felt like eons, and was occasionally sick. I then fell into a routine of being sick and then feeling like I was going to be sick every other minute of the day. It was not pleasant at all having a lingering sick feeling.
I sat on the news for a while, told no one and said nothing and my other half patiently waited whilst I got my head round it. I think it was more real for him right from the minute the result came out positive - where as I take time to process things and think them through. And boy did I think - good thoughts and then worries about the immense responsibility a child is. I needed to get my pregnancy confirmed so I booked an appointment and tada - we were told we were expecting a baby child! Baby B was officially official. (Baby 'B' because of our surname.)
It was slightly surreal because when I had my first appointment with the midwife I didn't have to do any tests - no blood test or anything so when I came home I was still in that 'I'm not so sure' stage - going to the doctors didn't make me believe it any more! But then soon after I did have blood tests, and after that a scan and very quickly things in my mind adjusted themselves. We became more used to the idea - there really was a tiny human growing inside me that would need to come out at some point.
This thought scared me silly. Not that it'd have to come out, that was far away and I wasn't thinking too much about it, but that it would depend on us. That tiny human would be our responsibility, to clothe, feed, help to provide opportunities and do the best we can and that was it - there was no turning back. No refunds or exchanges. Although I'm sure we'd never want to do that but still, the idea is perfectly feasible. It wasn't only about us anymore - we had another human to consider. A whole other human.
It's ok to be happy and scared all at the same time right?! But as scary as it may seem, we were over the moon! A baby!!!!
I sat on the news for a while, told no one and said nothing and my other half patiently waited whilst I got my head round it. I think it was more real for him right from the minute the result came out positive - where as I take time to process things and think them through. And boy did I think - good thoughts and then worries about the immense responsibility a child is. I needed to get my pregnancy confirmed so I booked an appointment and tada - we were told we were expecting a baby child! Baby B was officially official. (Baby 'B' because of our surname.)
It was slightly surreal because when I had my first appointment with the midwife I didn't have to do any tests - no blood test or anything so when I came home I was still in that 'I'm not so sure' stage - going to the doctors didn't make me believe it any more! But then soon after I did have blood tests, and after that a scan and very quickly things in my mind adjusted themselves. We became more used to the idea - there really was a tiny human growing inside me that would need to come out at some point.
This thought scared me silly. Not that it'd have to come out, that was far away and I wasn't thinking too much about it, but that it would depend on us. That tiny human would be our responsibility, to clothe, feed, help to provide opportunities and do the best we can and that was it - there was no turning back. No refunds or exchanges. Although I'm sure we'd never want to do that but still, the idea is perfectly feasible. It wasn't only about us anymore - we had another human to consider. A whole other human.
It's ok to be happy and scared all at the same time right?! But as scary as it may seem, we were over the moon! A baby!!!!
Keep reading, F x
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