In April this year, I did something I've never done before - I solo travelled with a baby. That's right, I went on a plane with baba and we flew all the way to Canada for my best cousins wedding. It was simultaneously amazing, terrifyingly frightening and a tiny bit liberating - that small sense of achievement and independence.

We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare but spent so much time trying to get a different seat (one more suitable for myself and baby) that when I went through security they said if I didn't go now, I'd miss my flight. The woman checking my flight details demanded to know what time I had arrived and why I was there so late... I told her we've been here for ages. I explained that I was with the airline people, not just lounging about killing time!

I sailed across a sea of marshmallows!

If you're thinking of doing it, my advice - just do it. Deal with things as they come, for me that's the best way. And try and stay calm. It'll work out - that's what I keep telling myself!

So turns out trimester three is not the last hurdle ... there is actually something called trimester 4. Trimester 4 is the first three months after your baby is born. The same amount of time a baby is classed as a newborn! 

Baby B arrived exactly on the day the midwife told us she would. The due date. Her due date. Our little girl seemed to have no interest in coming out and waited patiently the whole time. Finally when she did arrive, it was surreal. I remember looking at her during the night and thinking 'she's mine, oh my!' She slept so quietly the first few days, waking up to feed and then slipping straight back into a deep sleep. That's how the first week has was, and for a very short while she stayed like that, eating and sleeping. 

Langkawi

There are many other things that one can do whilst in Langkawi - including shopping in the local busy streets, going to the Batik museums, beaches and also visiting mosques! I just don't have enough blog space to write it all!

Have you been to Langkawi or planning to go?

We all know people in different ways and the people that know you well enough can often look at something and it'll make them think of you. Like your sense of style, or love of something particular - like wearing boots, lipstick, eating cheese, anything.

I can go out with my friends and they can immediately tell me if something I like, for example a top, would suit me. In fact, they'll probably pick something before I do and show me because they know I'd like it. They know me well. At first I was never sure if that was a good thing because I knew people who would say 'oh that is so you' because they didn't actually like the thing. It was a nicer way for them to say that 'I don't like it but I'm not honest enough to tell you that'. In my head I would be thinking - 'What?! Am I that predictable?! Should I take this as a compliment or be offended?' But now I can tell if they genuinely think that it's nice or are just being nice. I think it comes with time but mostly it comes with not caring much.

What I love is that feeling when I see something and immediately I think of a friend. I love seeing little reminders of people and being able to pick something they'd like. I admit I can't do it for everyone, there are some people I've known my whole life or longer than others and picking a gift for them is so HARD. It takes ages and ages and sometimes when I do finally pick something, I'm still not sure!

What's amazing tho, I mean it's taken me some time to see it in this way, is that feeling of acceptance. Having people who know you well and knowing people who you know well, in a way, means they've accepted you for who you are, including the weird and wonderful. It means you can be comfortable with yourself, your sense of style and have fun!

Have you found this place yet? I know it'll come along soon.

My advice: get to know people. It's quite wonderful.

So I actually sat down and wrote a whole post out about Turkey but then decided to scarp it all. Yes, I deleted the whole thing. The thing is, I liked my photos but I wasn't really happy with what I'd written. Therefore I ditched the whole thing and am letting you all see some photos instead. Feel free to have a nose, after all, a picture is worth a thousand words!

Pirate Ships

The open road

A traditional house

#views

Jeep Safari

Dinner Restaurant

Castle

I like taking photos of roads

Local sellers

Shoe rack outside mosque

Manavgat

Minaret of the oldest mosque in Alanya

Straw and sand

The Hamam - Turkish bath

A sign in the market

Camels

Do you like taking photos? Have you got any you'd like to share? Share them! Any questions? Ask them!

Here are a few photos from my recent trip to Alanya, Turkey.


The view

Our back garden

The moon and beach in the night... So beautiful and insanely fierce at the same time! I tried to take a photo but my camera skills are somewhat terrible in the night, and the photo doesn't do it any justice whatsoever.

Night Time

We went to the beach in the night a few times and each time we got closer and closer to the sea. The first time we went we stood on the steps to the beach and went no further. The waves were so fierce and it's all so different in comparison to the day time. During the day the sea was inviting and warm but come nightfall and it was harsh and loud, the waves stronger and fiercer than I've seen before. Each day we crept closer and closer, taking in its beauty. It really was beautiful.

Until very recently, I'd never travelled alone abroad. It might sound bizarre to hear that a perfectly competent twenty-four year old had never travelled abroad without a parent. Yes, that was me - the reasons for this are many but in all honesty, when I hear them my mind filters out the words being said and all I seem to hear is "blah blah blah blah....".

Anyway, a few months ago I went for a short break with my lovely aunt and cousin to Turkey and I loved it! It was an experience, one I'd jump at again anytime and I don't regret any part of it. 

See, I've, Alhamdulillah, lived a very sheltered and protected life. Although I am independent and do many things alone (including travelling in the UK) I've never been away for long alone. The people in my life are very protective - often over protective and, this can be both good and bad.

*sigh*

Despite this - and I'm sure we all have different opinions which I respect - here are a few things I learnt/observed whilst away.

1. You are not alone
Firstly, there are always other people around you. Granted they may be busy trying to sort out things for themselves but they are always there. On the way back home, there were some major delays and so we spent a lot of time in a small airport. We'd already talked to someone about the delays and were directed to where we should be at the time of departure. When it came to that time, I stood in line with my cousin and my aunt stood in the line next to us. As my cousin and I had our passes and things checked, the man turned to us and asked 'Mama?' because he didn't see her with us. We pointed out that she was in the other line. There was no need for this guy to ask us where my aunty was and why we were alone but it was oddly reassuring that he noticed there were three of us. We weren't actually alone, help was around. This leads me perfectly on to point number two:

2. Never be afraid to ask for help
If you need help, ask. This isn't just whilst travelling, adopt this into your life.

3. Do something new
Do things you don't normally do or won't be able to do once you are back home. Seize opportunities people! Make the most of it all. :)

3. Meet people and make friends
Talk to people - you never know who you'll meet and the connections you'll make.

4. Language 
Languages are so beautiful and I love listening to people talk in different languages. Take a moment to appreciate them.

5. Enjoy it
Things don't always go to plan and that's ok - keep going because time spent on thinking of how things should've/could've been is time wasted. Make the most of your time.

FYI definitely visit Turkey, it is SO beautiful! (Blog post on Alanya to follow soon!)

What have you found when travelling?

*note: This is the third time I'm writing this post. I had finished it and then didn't save it properly so lost most of it!!!...sigh... Here I go, again!*

After buying the Inayah collection hijabs, my cousin and I decided to order a Pearl Daisy hoojab. They also had a sale on...

So I have to say I was quite excited about this. I've been wondering for a while if I should get one of these hijabs to try out but never had the courage to take the plunge - till I talked about it to my lovely cousin and she said let's order together. I say I never had the courage because these are different from my usual hijabs but they always look so lovely on others. The thing is, I'm, well, how shall I put this without offending myself, lazy. My hijab style takes around two minutes to do and so the idea of having to do something that requires me to think stresses me out!! Hahah, I'm kidding, I'm just super lazy.


Anyway, I ordered and got a really sweet email to say that my package was wrapped with care and waved off by the lovely shop assistants and it was on it's way. Boy was I excited!
It arrived pretty soon after in a pink package with the Pearl Daisy logo on top so I knew exactly what it was and what to expect when opening the package - sweet!

So I opened it and first thoughts on it were: 'woah, it's long'. I'm only little and so the hijab seemed very long. I mean come on, I held the thing up folded in half and it was the same height as I am!!! Imagine wrapping something twice my height around my head -  I couldn't really see how it was going to work on me! So I did what any grown sane minded person would and put it back into the pack and left it for the night. However, I do have to say that the material is super lovely - it's soft and feels great to touch! Bonus.

The next morning I got up and thought to myself, 'right F, you have to give it a go' - and so, I went on YouTube - this tutorial to be precise - and watched it. Then I tried it on myself. It went ok and I have to admit it take too long.

Initially when I tried it I couldn't wrap it around properly as I don't really know how to create folds, but after watching the video it was quite simple. I haven't mastered it properly yet but that will come when I try it a little more. I think these are great because it's really easy to experiment and try different styles using the same hoojab! I haven't taken any photo's of myself but I shall do soon and I'll like them back to this post. :) I got a lot of compliments from my lovely friends who promised me that if they didn't like it they would have said!

Would I buy them again? Well I already ordered a few more after my first purchase so that answers that question. And I'm really looking forward to visiting the Pearl Daisy shop soon!!

Have you tried these? What are your thoughts?

I hate shopping...well, actually that is a lie. I don't mind shopping but shopping with my mother is one of the weirdest experiences on the planet. It's not as bad as I've experienced in the past because I've come shopping with people who are all over the supermarket - literally. They buy things as they remember and so you end up going from the eggs to the milk to the carrots and then back to get cream and then bread. I mean why don't you just go round the place in order?!

Mum just takes ages. She stops to think and sometimes she stares at the labels for what seems like eternity - then I'll lose my patience and have to remind her that the price of fishcakes will not change no matter how much she wills it to with her mind. But then what should I know, I don't really have to budget or manage my money in the way my parents and even some of my friends do. The only bills I worry about are my phone bill and gym bill. Not really gas, electric, council tax, blah, blah blah...

Anyway, enough about budgeting because it makes my brain feel sad. I'd rather think about grocery shopping...yuck! We go through every isle and she picks up a few things but I can't help but notice this man skulking around the store. I've seen him before and he's tried to be nice to us - don't get me wrong, I'm sure he is nice but I don't really want to know to be honest. I just want my mother to hurry up with her shopping so I can go home and binge watch Netflix.

From what I understand he's security.  He - maybe to make himself look more intimidating - walks in a way I find slightly amusing. His hips are thrust forward more so than his shoulders, his arms swing from side to side and his head bobs up and down as he paroles the milk isle. If I were him I'd walk through the bakery...often. The thing is, I'm not being mean in my description of his walk because I've seen this man outside the supermarket and he's a different person. None of this hip thrusting, arm swinging, head bobbing business then. So why now? Maybe he wants to look like a back slash as he walks.

Who knows. I wonder if he'd straighten up if someone ran off with milk without paying for it...

Finally we've finished. I've walked round the whole supermarket and haven't bought a thing! That's right, I have not picked up one thing and that's actually really good. Lucky for mum, I don't actually want anything so when we get to the tills, she won't say how much I cost her. Bring on Netflix!!

I found out why the kid was gawping at me. It turns out that I have a massive spot on my right cheek. It's mahoosively massive, like epically huge. How did I not know this? Thinking about it now I can actually feel it if I twitch my cheeks, but back then my tea, biscuits and magazine took priority.

Luckily it has shrunk a little so it's not as big as it was in the morning. The kid is the only human - excluding family members - to have seen the hideous thing. That's only because I'm yet to leave the house. That's right, on the schedule for today is lazing about, reading and watching Netflix.

And I'm really looking forward to it. Who wouldn't?! I have a whole bunch of library books to finish (once I actually start them of course) and I may have accidentally bought a few books too...oopsie. And Netflix, well I can spend hours wasting away watching Netflix!

Anyway, back to the spot. What am I going to do about it? Nothing! It'll go away soon enough, it came on it's own so it'll go on it's own. The truth is, I'm actually too lazy to do anything, and I don't really mind - if you want to stare, then stare!! And my books don't mind!

So, here I am having examined my ugly spot when mum pops her head round the door. Literally, all I can see is her head, it's like it's floating because there's no view of the body.

"What are you doing?" She's looking around my room then finally her gaze lands on me.
 
"Nothing" I say slowly, stretching out the 'o'. I have no idea what she must have thought because I'm sat in front of the mirror with a pile of books!

"Oh good. Get dressed, we're going shopping." And that was it. She leaves so fast I can't even object or explain my important plans or anything. So it looks like I'll be shopping instead.

Meh. At least I don't have the kid sat in front of me anymore! Also, people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice my spot - yes, that's right, I'm going to keep telling myself that.

So I watched this video on Facebook and thought - how cool is that, I agree with everything they have said in it. I'm going to share it. Then, later on in the same day I heard this:

"I don't like school. I have to get a boyfriend by the time I'm twenty so he can look after me."

At this point I piped up and said "don't you want to be able to look after yourself by the time you are twenty?"

She shook her head and said "No. I want to have a boyfriend that will look after me by the time I'm twenty. That's what everyone in school wants too."

The reply she got from her guardian was this: "No. You have to go to school, study and work hard, and then look after me." In his defence (he was her grandfather or some relation) he was kidding about the 'look after me' part of the reply.

But after that, all I wanted to do was ask why he didn't tell her to want to be able to support herself. That independence and stability is actually a really good thing to have in life. That this doesn't mean she couldn't have a boyfriend, but does mean that she shouldn't want to rely on her boyfriend. Why did you not tell her that independence is not loneliness. Why not?

Source

Why did you not tell her to work hard and achieve her dreams. That at the age of twenty she could be inventing things, at university, or doing an apprenticeship, starting and running her own business, working, doing something she really really loved, - basically she could do ANYTHING. That she is capable of amazing things! Why did you not tell her that independence is not loneliness. Why did you not say this? It made me want to cry.

But here's the thing. I am certain, in fact I know, that the first thing that goes through some of my family members heads when they see me is that I'm "not married...still".

I've been told that I have studied too much, that I often work too much. I've even been told I don't work enough. I've been told that I'm wasting my skills by not getting a job related to my undergrad studies. I've been told to do what I want now because after marriage I may not get the same chances - what with responsibilities and all....but then I've been told I can do whatever I want after I get married.

Let me tell you something, none of the above paragraph makes sense. It's all an oxymoron. Each piece of advice contradicts the other. I wish someone had told me at such a young age that independence is not loneliness. That individuality is great.

Source

Ok, so I am in no way against marriage and relationships. I'm actually the opposite. I want to get married. I want to share my life with someone, share my happiness, make memories, travel, buy a house together, have kids. But in the beginning, middle and end, it will be 'ours'. It will be 'our' marriage, 'our' memories, 'our' children, 'our' house. Not I, 'us'. I want to be able to offer independence and stability and and add to the marriage. I want to help be supportive of my partner and I want the other person to help and be supportive to me too. Even if this means not working for a while, or working more than I normally would. Marriage, being in a relationship, is a partnership. There are two people, not one.

And I'm fully aware that sometimes circumstances make it that we may need to rely on others. What I don't believe is that we should encourage our youth to want to rely on someone else. Independence is not loneliness.

I mean come on, you wouldn't want to have to be dependent on someone, so why don't we teach others this?

Oh, and this goes out to everyone. We should encourage everyone.

Don't you just hate awkward situations? Like when your minding your own business drinking tea and stuffing your face with biscuits when your little brothers friend suddenly wants to know where all the biscuits have gone. Like I just ate them all. Did you not see me in the last fifteen minutes you've been gawking?! Also, that's rude. You should at least close your mouth whilst gawking. Honestly, youth these days!

Ok, so this kid has been sitting in our kitchen for a while now. He appeared when the kettle made the whistling sound to say it's boiled. Our kettle does that for some reason - anyone downstairs can hear it. I offered him tea but he just shook his head a took a seat opposite me. Right, I thought, I'd better carry on like normal then. Lucky for me this kid isn't much of a talker and there was a magazine on the table right beside by breakfast. Handy!

I don't like drinking scalding hot tea and always wait for my tea to cool down, and so, because I didn't fancy toast this morning, I opted for biscuits.

Anyway, the whole time this kid was sat opposite me quietly watching with his mouth open. I'm not really sure what he's staring at because I'm a mess. I'm in my pyjamas and my hair is scare-worthy - seriously sometimes I get scared in the mornings when I catch my reflection - so it can't be me. I've offered him biscuits and tea and there really isn't anything else worth gawking at. But I can't say anything, he's only seven years old! I can't exactly just at say 'what you staring at?!' He might burst into tears! (It's happened before and I really don't want to explain to my mother that I made an seven year old cry...again).

And then, to top it all off, after having said nothing the whole time, he suddenly decides to speak. He has this adorable little voice and it's as if he's finally plucked up the courage to say something. What he does say is this:

"Where have the biscuits gone?"

It's only then that I realised that I've managed to finish the whole pack whilst reading a magazine...oppsie!

Lucky for me my brother ran into the kitchen at that precise moment and skidded to a halt just in time to miss the table. 

  "Why are you here?" He askes his friend, his tone is way too accusatory for my liking but I'm not going to get involved.

  "Do you want to eat something?" He questions further in the same tone.

The kid shakes his head.

  "Then let's GO!" moving his hand in a sweeping motion towards the door, just to be sure the kid knows which way to go.

And with that, the kid sneaks a quick look at me and then the empty biscuit pack and runs out of the kitchen followed by my brother. That is of course after my brother throws me a dirty look as if to say it's all my fault.

Honestly, kids these days!!